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ARICA
08 November 2009 @ 02:29 am
Hello looming giant, you're finally here.
I've been expecting your arrival, and I am glad that it will all be over, very soon.


I will fight till the very end!!
 
 
Current Mood: normal
 
 
ARICA
26 October 2009 @ 03:59 pm
I woke up in the middle of the night, no not in the night. I should say I woke up in the wee hours, and had this urge to know myself all over again. I do things that amaze myself, sometimes. In the midst of all these tears and insecurities while at the back of my mind, I was trying to remember my Birmingham decentralisation case study, why people die, how they die, why people give birth why people don't, traffic problems and congestion and singapore with our awesome transport system whereby no smelly tropical fruit is allowed, why TNCs exploit women and children and why they spatial organise.

At the same time, I thought of the stupid things i have done in my two years in college, regretting not holding on, regretting not to fight on harder just like how I fought to understand my macropolicies and macroaims, big firms small firms and why they can survive or why they cannot. My favourite Marshall Lerner and J-curve effect. My favourite girls in soccer boots but I am not part of the "Saints, blue sky!". neither have I achieved anything even though i remember painful ankles. I am a loser.

Most of all I was panicking because I don't remember much about the boy and any happy moments with him and all i could recall was trying to get rid of things and emotions just like how i don't remember much about my rivers,meanders and braided streams, hadley cell etc etc omg i cannot rmb the rest! my volcanoes eathquakes droughts omg i haven't started them at all.

And I am so unfamiliar with my dy/dx or my integration w.r.t. x? My product moment correlation and my unbiased estimates of whatever population variance etc. Your voice was so unfamiliar over the phone two nights ago, though you're breathing the same way over the phone and laughing at the same silly things i joke about, you in skirts and you in make-up. Did you realise that I missed you? Oh did I mention I hated functions and APGP, I can never show by mathematical induction or form up my vector quations and their annoying projected length or distance or whatever, OH SIGH how I hate it all sooooo damn much!

It's okay. I remember you said if it's not okay, it's not the end. I got back to sleep,hoping I would not wake too late. I needed to get to school and hand in my one million and one essays. I was thinking if the teachers were gonna swear at me secretly haha.

I woke up again. I realised I am left with fourteen days. Uggggghhhhhh.
 
 
Current Mood: uggggghhhh
 
 
ARICA

At times like this, I cannot help but wish I was better with words.




Hello Bird and Cat, look at how much we have changed! Okay but some things will really stay the same. Bird you are as retarded as ever, and i think ten years, maybe even twenty years down the road we will still laugh at your silly actions (: Rmb Surf&Sweat? the sun and the rain and all the laughter we had. that was really one of the most memorable times I had with the two of you (: Bird I will never forget how you said you hated me for always giving the stupid angsty i hate the world look and you didnt like cedar girls like me. haha but see, how things change? Cat i rmb you as the chungcheng table tennis girl that existed but i dont know who hahaha. thankyou for being quiet, but noisy too (:




Hello soccer girls, I rmb our time in sweat and mud. I miss you guys very much. WAPAW and our silly happy cards.At times I blame myself for making decisions without giving more considerations. I think the few of you for making my one year in soccer so memorable. I miss kicking balls during breaks and before training. I kinda secretly wished we could meet up someday.





Haha omg joleen i forgot when we took this weird photo with glasses i think it was national day and we went to skypark to chill! Skypark used to be our favourite hang out. Rmb our little things in life that makes us feel happy? seeing ants drowning in water and weird imaginations of having trees growing on our arms (: (: you've been so awesome and i look forward to many many many more years of friendships with you. Beeeeee! I love that photo i dont know why haha (: those sundays spent together were really, fulfilling. thankyou for everything (: you've been such a sweet friend, yknow? Anyway let us go chill after As and i will wear that pretty white dress that the two of you bought for me! (: All the best, lovely two.


OMG HOW CAN I FORGET OUR LOVELY UK TRIP! okay cat has been asking me to upload the photos haha omg i havent uploaded them and it's almost a year already! UK was so much fun and it was so cold i wore like ten million clothes every day! bano you look so cute in that photo you were eating! and omg mr G (love love love him) crashed our photo during field trip! so funny! ah i miss eating and eating and having fun together. we spent like 12 days ogether almost 24/7!! I think i will never forget my UK trip, so unforgettable really. <3 i dont think there will ever another chance like this, so i really thank god that i spent my 12 days in uk with such great friends. and I promise i will upload photos after A levels! :P cat, i miss your hot chocolate! thanks for being such a great buddy dugint the trip, would not have been the same yknow/ (:


PW!!! <3 hello shiqi sijia shan bird charles(not in this photo). I miss pw times, and i am so glad we went through it all together! i love random times like braiding our hair and laughing and laughing at chan and bird. rmb or stupid skit that we were all bears and shan is a panda or sthg like that? haha ok yay luma mufleh ftw! (: One family unbroken! i hope we will look back and think about our happy moments of PW PW PW PW PW PW PW. aren't yall glad that it's over? (:



I feel smarter taking this photo :P AYE hello my fav smart people, am so glad i found out we could clique hahahaha. But honestly, thankyou for going through so much with me recently. and thankyou for being so understanding (: eve i think you are so pretty and thankyou for being my heart to heart talk buddy (: i am excited to spend time with you after A levels and the many more years ahead. Hello 985 bus mate i will miss taking bus home with you! our west side story will always be in my heart okay so gay i know (: thankyou for being so angsty and i enjoy our angsty moments lol. RAWK ON SMART PPL! ♥
 


And days wouldn't have been the same without yall. I am sorry for things and I am so thankful and glad that everything seems good again (: I don't know what I should say(there's just too much emotions i cannot put onto words..) but I think we went though a lot together for the past 2 years and I know this is not the end. It is just amazing how much we have shared, yknow? I treasure them all so much. We can fight this giant together ♥



Snail, and that was 2 more years adding onto our cedar days. it's just something that no one else will understand. How badly I really want you(to stay). Will you lie with me, and just forget the world? ♥

-
And those were only things and moments captured. I've grown up so much, we all did. Now I understand what they mean by college days will pass very quickly. And now we've graduated, we can be free. Thankyou for going through this journey with me.
 
 
Current Mood: good
 
 
ARICA



Well, I know there’s a reason
And I know there’s a rhyme
We were meant to be together
That’s why
We can roll with the punches
We can stroll hand in hand
And when I say it’s forever
You understand

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ARICA
02 October 2009 @ 10:24 pm

But we will all pull through.

 
 
ARICA
26 September 2009 @ 11:23 pm

It's scary how you keep running away from the ugly things in life but in the end, you get to the end and realise it's all back to the same old nightmare. "nothing much". This two words kill, and hurt so bad.

I spent the day thinking of what I should do with what I'm left with. it's the last lap of this journey, and with the amount of time and energy left, i need to get things done fast. In order to do that I have to take away distractions. Distractions including emotions and words people put in my head. It's becoming a habit for me to give the same reason for this long war we've been fighting. it's like what I study in History. Cold war: a period of heightened tensions, stopping short of actual war. (okay, that's the accurate definition of Cold War that I managed to memorise haha).

As I made a wish hoping this weekend could last forever, I heard you say "We will face monday together. I am here." 

 

 
 
Current Mood: crushed
 
 
ARICA
25 September 2009 @ 08:43 pm
.  

 
 
ARICA
25 September 2009 @ 06:35 pm
I struggle so much because i am trying to protect you. I look at you looking at them and in your eyes I could see that they were everything and I am nothing. thankyou very much because on this very day i realised it's time.

It's friday. Welcome weekend.

I hate granite and limestone.
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Current Mood: crappy
 
 
ARICA
22 September 2009 @ 12:05 am
I had a good break since history paper ended on thursday. Caught the ugly truth with Eve& Xiwen and it was freaking hilarious and horny HAHAHA. Slacked friday off was really shiok getting stuck at the tv the whole day. Saturday at SMU's flea with Ely and Hwans, which I didnt manage to buy anything at all TSK. Then it was BFFL date after that woohooooo (: I love talking to BFFL even though her life revolves very much around her bunny and her squash and her ahem. I'm jealous, i think. but oh well im so happy that she's found her sources of happiness (: and beyond all that she is still ever ready to be there for me still. BFFL had loads of sushi that day, and wasabi :P

School starts tomorrow. Hello school and friends, we have a few weeks left and I cannot describe what i am feeling right now. My jc life is almost ending, something I have been hoping for, for a really long time.
 
 
ARICA
10 September 2009 @ 11:28 am
I cringed when i felt the sharp edge of it. I paused and wondered if that was really what I want.
 
 
ARICA
07 September 2009 @ 01:56 pm
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I wish I had enough courage to kill myself right now. And I am not kidding.
 
 
ARICA
04 September 2009 @ 08:52 am



Hwans I miss you <3
All the mugging for my exams make me remember our awesome time spet together mugging for Olevels. I cannot believe that big giant A levels is here already ): Rmb how we always end up konky after studying for too long? Our favourite chicken pasta thing an cookies and cream milkshake from the cafe in the amk library? i miss you laughing at all the silly things i say cuz nowadays I fell that no one gets it and no one finds it funny at all. i cannot believe how little time I have left it is so scary i want to hide and cry just like how we both cried at the tuition centre one week before our olevels. BFFL you know I think about you and us most of the time and i always always look forward to meeting you because that is when I really realised i have always someone there and you are ever redy to be there, to encourage me and to listen to my silly jokes about muahchee and stones and my awesome dreams about cockroaches and giants. BFFL I know I make it sound like i havent talked to you for ages but actually we text almost everyday but I just want you to know that you are so special and we will keep this forever and when i get married you must be my bridesmaid and when you get married i will be yours too. you'll be the godmother of my kids and i will be godmother of yours too. I look forward to the day we can sit down and talk about our good old times especially the memorable sentosa trip and everything while we watch our grandchildren run around the garden or something hahaha. BFFL no matter what you're always number one. I love you and this is not the first time I'm gonna confess to you neither would it be the last (:


-

I cannot believe how I screwed up my favourit subject ): i am so utterly pissed at myself but like ds said, I should not groan and harp on it, move on and work hard for the rest!


I am meeting muggerdalene to mug today. Kudos I cant wait to bring back cedar memories <3
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Current Mood: refreshed
 
 
ARICA
Everyone's telling me that.



Jiayou people!
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Current Mood: cranky
 
 
ARICA
19 August 2009 @ 10:24 am
I remember very clearly that very day in the school hall when you passed me a note saying "You're my superstar". (Do you?) Till today, I remember telling myself, this friend is going to matter so much to me now, tomorrow, the week after and forever more.

I guess I had my share of heartaches from you. Who doesn't live with a constant heartache?

But I'm sorry too.
 
 
ARICA
15 August 2009 @ 05:43 pm



I've learnt that not everything is equally mutual. Sometimes, I wish I can just not bother anymore.



12 days to prelims, I'm suddenly afraid. I don't want it to be another mess.

 

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Current Mood: moody
 
 
ARICA
13 August 2009 @ 03:12 am


Tell me why am I doing here at this hour? To seek assurance, yes that's what I've been looking for.

School's tough, everyone is complaining. But life's like this. I hate Math so much, I cannot believe it. I am still trying to get myself to start practicing Math questions, like Integration. I hate it so much! (Sense my anger & no I am not angsty!) I am glad I have my classmates to get me through. I think i wouldn't have gone to school so often if not for them.

& Fellow, if you are reading, I want to say thankyou. You've been a great friend (:

On a lighter note, I LOVE THE VERONICAS!!!! ♥♥♥

Late nights like these remind me of you, and this is bad. I'm sorry for how I treated you, and us.

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Current Mood: drained
Current Music: 4ever- the Veronicas
 
 
ARICA
11 August 2009 @ 01:04 am

It's past 1am, I should be in bed by now.

I was crunching on my Salt & Pepper Pringles, blasting The Veronicas, feeling angry about the amount of undone work I have but still trying to convince myself "It's okay, I shall rest today and start tomorrow" when I read this on MSN News headlines:

"The death toll so far in Taiwan stands at 15, with 55 missing and 32 hurt, since Typhoon Morakot struck the island Friday and remained in the area over the weekend before crashing into eastern China, state-run China Daily reported."

I hover my mouse over the link that says Video, and I saw images of how people, houses and things were swept away by the huge amounts of water. I saw images of people crying and moaning over the lost of their kids/parents. I saw people dying.

My heart ached. They were right- Life's not fair.

 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
ARICA
10 August 2009 @ 04:27 pm

I guess we always are, but that's what life is all about. Getting in and out of shit? But if all else don't matter, I still have people willing to pull me through.




&&&! Angel is so cute, I LOVE HER SO MUCH ♥♥♥

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Current Mood: calm
 
 
ARICA
09 August 2009 @ 04:44 pm

Woah, been a long time since I have decided to do anything here.It's a long weekend and I am glad I have some time to do things that I like. Sleepover BFFL's 'resort' house woohooo shiok shiok. So much for stuudying about Singapore's awesome, efficient, convenient and user-friendly public transport system, I wasted 20mins taking the wrong LRT. BFFL why do you have to stay so far away in an ulu place? But I love your mega huge resort house though it gets a little.. untidy sometimes haha! We has spaghetti for lunch it was so nice! (: Then BFFL and I spent a great afternoon doing up our scrapbook (: It's a little book filled with photos and tiny pretty things that we will write our secrets and all girly stuffs inside (: It was my silly idea, but I found out BFFL had the same thought about this toooooo :P Great minds think alike! We kept laughing as we recall all the times we spent together.. AWW I miss meeting BFFL on weekends when we had tuition classes and we kept laughing at silly stupid things! We had BBQ for dinner! Chao-ta chicken wings, sotong balls, sausages, prawns and fresh cucumbers with sweet and sour chilli sauce (: So fun sitting by the pit and BBQing together, chit chatting and laughing everytime the sotong ball rolled off the pit--> BFFL then washed it and we re-cooked it again EWWWW!! cannot believe I still ate them HAHA. Our initial plan was to chiong the night away because we have tons of assignments to complete but I knocked out really early and left her chionging alone HRR! Being a poly kid is tough, they've to pay expensive school fees plus adult fares D: I see BFFL so stressed but I cannot do anything to help hrr D: And when I woke, she decided to go to sleep HRRHRR. I left her house early early in the morning at 7am and got home so my family can have TIM SUM breakfast together. (:

It's national day! I don't feel quite excited actually. I miss Cedar and the crazy community singing in the hall without lights. I miss chionging proposals with Exco, trying to make school events as memorable as possible. I miss times when I loved the school and when I never grumbled about having to travel half the world to get to school.

But it's all different now, no it's been different since the start of last year. But I've been constanly putting myself into shitholes one after another. What a waste. A levels in 3 months? It'll be over before you know it, says fellow. And I cannot wait. I want to move on after that, cannot wait to put down certain things & let them pass.

You just made me feel that I'm dispensable.
 
 
ARICA
01 August 2009 @ 10:47 pm
Why does it seem like there's so much to study and I don't seem to do anything productive? ):
 
 
Current Mood: stressed
 
 
 
 

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